Colonel Haribo -

[The Pimpstick]

- Er, Tavington, not Haribo, apologies dear man I seem to be confused with a rather jumped up skanky swamp man.

It has come to my attention that I have not seen you for quite a while, which has caused such empathy pains on your behalf, knowing that though not deprived of wenches, you are deprived of my wonderful person.

There was a dear hag friend of mine who was asking after you also, I do hope she didn't catch up with you, aha, she has a dreadful squint anyhow so with luck she caught up with Bordon-stickyfingers.

Though I digress! Hope this letter finds you in good health, I've recently had some of my papers sneezing, most dreadful business.

May your tights never ladder!

Miss M Pimpstick

[Colonel Tavington]

Tights?

Thighs never tire more like!

Hags? nothing of the sort to be found, most likely entertaining the said swamp man you mention and dare to confuse me with *narrows eyes*

Though since you implore me so I shall endeavour to visit the mansion sometime soon or arrange a rendevous of sorts or a church burning or somesuch activity...

If you could send any of those date bars it would be most appreciated.

Sincerely, W. Tavington.

[The Pimpstick]

Oh how wonderfully quick you reply, there's some smoke nearby, I knew you'd be behind it, or under it, what with being flame retardant (sans retard of course)

Quite an oxymoron, your thighs and tiring! Though I do worry for your tights, perhaps I'll send some along to you, this weather is awfully nipply

Rendezvous indeed! Though i do not wish to hear any french word from you, mister, I may worry that once time you fraternised with a certain Madame Menoit/Villeneuve.

Alas for you I have no date bars, but have some prune oat bakes, you lucky midget man. Whoops, no idea where that came from.

What ho! Blessings be on your hat!

Miss M Pimpstick

[Colonel Tavington]

I was thinking the other day I must send you a dragoon issue hat, one would look rather fetching in it... but at the suggestion of prune bars I withdraw my highly generous thought!

Get back in line wench and make date bars.

- W. T

[The Pimpstick]

Sir, any use of wench in reference of my person shall render yourself impotent! Good day!