Post by Rydiger von Heap on Apr 28, 2011 19:57:35 GMT
«Welcome to my Office. If you wonders who I am, read at the door, the sign clearly says Rydiger von Heap. But you may call me Heap. The only people who are allowed to address me by first name is those I say can do so. Otherwise, I'll ignore you. And since I am such a people pleaser, let me have the honor of inform you that this little speech is written down and repeated to every new face in this office. You know, just to be nice. And now it's time I'll tell you how I work. My job involvs much different. Mostly investegation and the like. If any of my colleagues needs an medical advise, they don't need to go to St. Mungo for that. But be warned; if you're particularly annoying, you may see me reach for this. No, you are not hallucinating. This, ladies and gentlemen, is a glass of pills. The pills is called Vicodin, and it's supposed to save me from a very serious and deadly disease which fortunately appears just five time each day of my life, in which case, you can die of it... It's widely known as the feared; Boredom. And this glass with pills, just so you know; It's mine. You can't have any. Now, let me explain how I are doing my job on daily bases:
When I'm at work, I'm on the sideline. I track down, and you capture. I tell you were they are, you gets your ass kicked if you aren't skilled enough to catch them. Now, let me explain how my office is going to be used. Mostly, you may knock on the door, I'll answer, and you can step inside. But sometimes, you will se a CLOSED sign on the door, in which case you are not welcome. It's either because I'm not there or because I hate all people and want to be leaved alone... At least that's what I'm told. If I see you have been in my office without my approval, let me inform you I have made sure this room is enchanted with many protective spells. An Intruder Charms, anti-apparation jinxes, Security Spells, anti-theft spells, and so on. If you are trying to destroy it, I have made sure it also is secured with a Flame-Freezing Charm and each object in the entire room, everything from my desk to my private archive to my ugly carpet my grandmother once gave me, is enchanted with a Unbreakable Charm. This protections is made just because I don't fully trust you guys, just so that is said.
You don't like me? Good, then we understands each other. Now, what can I help you with? Oh, by the way, PS; If you are going to leave a note where you are asking me to redecorate my office, please make sure to put it on a place you know I would be likely to look for notes, so I can be sure to ignore it...»
When I'm at work, I'm on the sideline. I track down, and you capture. I tell you were they are, you gets your ass kicked if you aren't skilled enough to catch them. Now, let me explain how my office is going to be used. Mostly, you may knock on the door, I'll answer, and you can step inside. But sometimes, you will se a CLOSED sign on the door, in which case you are not welcome. It's either because I'm not there or because I hate all people and want to be leaved alone... At least that's what I'm told. If I see you have been in my office without my approval, let me inform you I have made sure this room is enchanted with many protective spells. An Intruder Charms, anti-apparation jinxes, Security Spells, anti-theft spells, and so on. If you are trying to destroy it, I have made sure it also is secured with a Flame-Freezing Charm and each object in the entire room, everything from my desk to my private archive to my ugly carpet my grandmother once gave me, is enchanted with a Unbreakable Charm. This protections is made just because I don't fully trust you guys, just so that is said.
You don't like me? Good, then we understands each other. Now, what can I help you with? Oh, by the way, PS; If you are going to leave a note where you are asking me to redecorate my office, please make sure to put it on a place you know I would be likely to look for notes, so I can be sure to ignore it...»